they are not owen

they are not owen
they are not owen
they are not owen

A phrase we often hear ourselves uttering whenever we see a pregnant woman or another baby and the pangs of jealousy hit, threatening to collapse us or induce screams of rage.

Sure, it isn’t their fault. They seem to be as innocent and naive to loss as we once were. When we walked in to the hospital in Vancouver in the early hours of October 30th, a day after Owen’s due date, we thought they would be us. We had no reason to believe otherwise. You get pregnant, you do everything “right”, you take your baby home, you swoon, you cuddle. That is how it is done. That is how society would like you to believe it is done. Babies did not die in our world before Owen was born. A reality, a fact, that we are still very much struggling to accept.

We then switched the way we think (or at least have attempted to, some days more successful than others). It is as simple as this: We do not know what other people are going through. Empathy for those around us. Compassion for the unknown. Perhaps the baby we are seething with jealousy about has a sibling that they can feel but cannot see. Perhaps these people are also struggling to hold the smiles on their faces, or maintain an ounce of composure so they do not look as sad as they feel.

We simply do not know. They are not Owen, but they might have an “Owen” of their own (mind you, not nearly as handsome). A special member of their family, always with them and forever cherished in their hearts.

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4 thoughts on “they are not owen

  1. Brianne March 26, 2015 / 9:49 pm

    Thanks Robyn. My words do little for you, but for me I need to speak them. You are courageous and Owen is so lucky to have you as his mama. He is your son, but as it takes a village, he is our baby a little bit too. We miss him.

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    • robynedmondson March 26, 2015 / 9:56 pm

      Thank you Bri. Your support means a lot to our little family. Owen is one loved little guy.

      Like

  2. Heather April 14, 2015 / 11:45 am

    Robyn, I try to tell myself this as well! It helps, sometimes. I miss my innocence though. I miss the days when doing everything right meant something. Glad you’ve started blogging too. Our timeline is so similar (Lydie was stillborn November 6th) that it’s nice to be able to see where you are now.

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    • robynedmondson April 14, 2015 / 12:19 pm

      The loss of innocence is frustrating. We plan everything. We did everything ‘right’. To learn how little control we actually have is like a punch in the stomach. When I see people naively carrying on with their happy lives and babies, I feel the urge to tell them how they are not invincible to loss and tragedy. That we too did everything right and believed it would never happen to us. The sad thing is that they would never actually believe it. I know I wouldn’t have. Sigh.

      We do have a similar timeline. My husband and I have started to read your blog. We seem to have similar irritations with the world around us/general ignorance of some. Benjamin is also a great name. 😉

      Thinking of Lydie from the mountains of Whistler, BC. xo

      Like

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