little signs


One morning, stood at the window staring out at our garden while eating my breakfast, I found myself chatting to a butterfly. He landed on the rocks in front of where I stood, basking in the sunshine while I engaged in our one-sided conversation. I live for these moments. Moments that bring comfort to my grieving heart, offering respite. Moments that are always followed up with the same, I love you Owen.

Our eyes and hearts have been opened to the world around us. We take more time to notice things. We see the way the world seems to speak to us. The way our son speaks to us. The way that we are reminded of his presence. Of his love. Our love. It is comforting.

There is new meaning in everything. A heart-shape along a path, a white feather lying gently on the forest floor, a chickadee chirping away and frolicking in a very special garden, a butterfly innocently playing in the warm breeze, a colourful rainbow, a raindrop landing on the cheek. Little comforts noticed when you seem to need them most. Little signs that our son is with us in everything that we do, everywhere that we go.

Back in late November, we stood next to the river as parents, as a family, and set the ashes of a beautiful body free into the glacial rapids. A moment we had anticipated to be filled with great sadness, was beautiful. As the tears fell, we stood in silence, soothed by the sounds of the natural world around us. On a walk along the cliffs above the river shortly after, something told us to veer off trail to look down at the river. As we stood, high above the rapids, we saw a great blue heron gracefully flying up the river. A moment filled with awe, love, and comfort. We now see herons everywhere. Hello little one.

This month, we watched shooting stars, cuddled a bunny, got covered in pretty colours in a race, found our family trees, watched a bird make himself look puffy, made a pirate zucchini boat (and a shark), finished Pooh, started Twits, climbed up to a waterfall in the alpine meadows, watched some river pirates, had ‘Owen’ pancakes, started to watch Nemo (Owen upside-down, backwards), met Gerald Matthewson, dipped toes in the river, listened to a pianist in the park, went to Point Atkinson lighthouse (from your book), found a bear rock, went to hear a man sing special songs. We also saw a little snake with a yellow stripe. Oh yeah, floatplanes. We saw those too. Lots of them.

Happy 10 months baby boy. Double digits now. Oh my. We see your little signs. We feel you with us. Thank you for helping us to discover the beauty of the world. We love you so much.


One thought on “little signs

  1. Anne Marie August 30, 2015 / 4:01 pm

    So beautiful. It’s incredible that such sadness can lead to such appreciation of the beauty of life. Thinking of Owen, Happy 10 months little man. X


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